Codependency describes a pattern of putting another person’s needs, moods and problems so far ahead of your own that your sense of worth depends on being needed. It is especially common in families affected by addiction, mental illness or chronic illness. This self-assessment covers the patterns therapists look for. Answer about how things have been over the past several months.
This self-assessment is for information only. It is not a diagnostic tool and cannot replace an evaluation by a licensed mental health professional. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 or call 911.
Codependency Self-Assessment
Think about your closest relationship, whether with a partner, parent, child or friend. Over the past several months, have you:
- Felt responsible for another person’s feelings, choices or behavior, including their drinking or drug use?
- Found it very hard to say no, set a limit or ask for what you need, even when you were exhausted or resentful?
- Covered up, made excuses for or “fixed” the consequences of someone else’s behavior?
- Felt anxious, guilty or worthless when you were not helping or taking care of someone?
- Stayed in a relationship that hurts you because you feared being alone or believed the other person could not manage without you?
- Ignored your own health, finances, friendships or interests to keep the peace or keep someone else afloat?
- Had trouble knowing what you actually feel or want, separate from what others expect?
- Felt that your mood rises and falls with how the other person is doing?
- Tolerated disrespect, dishonesty or broken promises you would tell a friend not to accept?
- Noticed that the more you do for this person, the worse things seem to get?
What Your Answers May Mean
Codependency is not a formal psychiatric diagnosis, so there is no cutoff score. Several “yes” answers, especially to questions 1, 3, 5 and 10, suggest a pattern that is worth exploring with a therapist. Caring deeply for someone is healthy. The difference is when caretaking replaces your own needs, enables harmful behavior to continue, and leaves you feeling controlled by another person’s problems. If the relationship involves threats, intimidation or physical harm, that is abuse, and safety comes first: the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.
Free, Confidential Helpline
Ready to take the next step toward recovery?
Our Recovery Advocates are available around the clock to answer your questions, verify your insurance, and help you find the right level of care — at no cost to you.
What Codependency Is
The term grew out of the family recovery movement, where partners and children of people with alcohol use disorder were found to develop their own predictable patterns: hypervigilance, people-pleasing, difficulty with boundaries and a sense of identity built on being needed. These patterns often trace back to growing up in a home where a parent was unpredictable, and they raise the risk of anxiety, depression and substance use in the codependent person. Learn more about codependency and about the difference between helping and enabling.
How Codependency Is Treated
- Individual therapy, often cognitive behavioral or psychodynamic, to build boundaries, self-worth and emotional awareness
- Family therapy or a family program when a loved one is in addiction treatment, so that the whole system changes, not just the person in recovery
- Peer support such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and Co-Dependents Anonymous
- Treatment of co-occurring depression, anxiety or substance use when present
See our family programs and online counseling.
Want to talk to someone about your results? Our admissions team can arrange a confidential assessment with a licensed clinician and explain treatment options, from outpatient therapy to inpatient care. Verify your insurance or call any time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is codependency a mental illness?
No. It is a relationship pattern rather than a diagnosis, but it frequently coexists with anxiety, depression and trauma, which are treatable conditions.
Can I be codependent if my loved one does not use drugs or alcohol?
Yes. Codependent patterns also develop around mental illness, chronic illness, gambling and controlling or abusive relationships.
How do I stop enabling without abandoning the person?
Support the person, not the behavior: stop covering consequences, set clear limits, and offer help toward treatment. A therapist or family program can help you plan this.
Does my loved one have to be in treatment for me to get help?
No. Family members benefit from therapy and peer support regardless of whether the other person is ready to change.
Does insurance cover therapy for codependency?
Most plans cover therapy for the anxiety, depression or trauma that usually accompany it. Verify your coverage in minutes.
