Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of manipulation and control by someone who needs admiration, lacks empathy and treats the relationship as a way to meet their own needs. It can come from a partner, parent, boss or friend, and it often leaves people doubting their own memory and worth. This self-assessment covers the patterns clinicians and domestic-violence advocates ask about. Answer about the relationship as it has been over the past several months.
This self-assessment is for information only. It is not a diagnostic tool and cannot replace an evaluation by a licensed mental health professional. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 or call 911.
If you are in danger, or the person threatens you, your children or your pets, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.
Narcissistic Abuse Self-Assessment
Thinking about one specific relationship, have you:
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- Been told that things you clearly remember did not happen, or that you are “too sensitive,” “crazy” or imagining things, until you doubted yourself?
- Experienced a cycle of intense affection and attention followed by coldness, criticism or contempt?
- Been blamed for the other person’s anger, moods or behavior, and found yourself apologizing to keep the peace?
- Been criticized, mocked or humiliated, in private or in front of others, in ways that were later dismissed as jokes?
- Been cut off from friends or family, or discouraged from seeing them, until the relationship became your whole world?
- Had your money, phone, schedule, appearance or decisions monitored or controlled?
- Felt that your accomplishments were minimized while theirs had to be praised?
- Been punished with silence, withdrawal or threats to leave when you disagreed or set a limit?
- Felt constantly on edge, walking on eggshells, or changed how you act to avoid setting them off?
- Noticed that you feel anxious, depressed, exhausted or unlike yourself, and that these feelings ease when you are away from the person?
What Your Answers May Mean
Narcissistic abuse is not a clinical diagnosis, and this checklist cannot tell you whether another person has narcissistic personality disorder. What it can do is name a pattern. Several “yes” answers, especially to questions 1, 5, 6 and 9, describe emotional abuse and coercive control, regardless of the other person’s diagnosis. The effects on you are real and treatable: anxiety, depression, trauma symptoms, sleep problems and, for some, alcohol or drug use to cope. A therapist experienced in relational trauma can help you sort out what is happening and what you want to do next.
What Narcissistic Abuse Is
Narcissistic personality disorder affects roughly 1 to 6 percent of adults, but abusive patterns like gaslighting, love-bombing, devaluation, isolation and control are not limited to people with the disorder. What they share is a relationship organized around one person’s need for control and admiration at the other person’s expense. Learn more about narcissistic personality disorder.
How Recovery From Narcissistic Abuse Is Treated
- Trauma-informed therapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy, EMDR and other trauma-focused approaches, to rebuild trust in your own perceptions and address anxiety, depression or PTSD symptoms
- Safety planning and boundary setting, with a therapist or a domestic-violence advocate, whether you stay, leave or limit contact
- Treatment of co-occurring substance use if alcohol or drugs have become a way to cope
- Support groups for survivors of emotional abuse and coercive control
See PTSD, inpatient mental health treatment and online counseling.
Want to talk to someone about your results? Our admissions team can arrange a confidential assessment with a licensed clinician and explain treatment options, from outpatient therapy to inpatient care. Verify your insurance or call any time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does the other person have to be diagnosed for it to count as abuse?
No. Abuse is defined by the behavior and its effect on you, not by the other person’s diagnosis.
Why do I still miss them or doubt myself?
The cycle of affection and devaluation creates a strong attachment, and gaslighting erodes confidence in your own judgment. Both are expected effects of this kind of relationship, and both improve with support.
Can narcissistic abuse cause PTSD?
Prolonged emotional abuse can produce trauma symptoms such as hypervigilance, intrusive memories, nightmares and avoidance. A clinician can evaluate whether PTSD is present.
Is it abuse if there was never any physical violence?
Yes. Emotional abuse and coercive control are recognized forms of abuse, and they can cause lasting harm.
Does insurance cover therapy after an abusive relationship?
Most plans cover treatment for anxiety, depression and PTSD under federal parity law. Verify your coverage in minutes.
