Dear hungover me,

Welcome to your hangover, you slept for a while. How was Cinco de…what was it? Mayo? No, that’s what you put on sandwiches. Cinco de Drinko? That sounds like what you called it.

Let’s get out of bed and see where the day takes you. Your calendar’s not cleared, but thanks to that fifth shot of tequila last night, adulting will have to wait. Your head used to be on straight, but now it’s swimming in the previous night’s decisions and playing tricks on your eyes. The mirror won’t lie; let’s see what it has to say.

Just flick on the bathroom light, and there you are. Flawless. You woke up like this. Beyonce would be proud — but what’s that stuck in your hair? Gum? A stray piece of confetti? Yeah, your cat eye took a turn for the worse, too. Raccoons might accept you as one of their own now. Let’s see to more pressing matters, like how your mouth is drier than grandma’s meatloaf. It’s a good thing I left you a glass of water on the kitchen counter before you went out last night (you’re welcome).

You just have to make it past the couch for that h2…oh no! Who’s that on the chaise lounge? Did you drink that tall glass of water? Stop thinking so loudly, they’ll hear you. You’d better call a ride to ferry them off, and while you’re at it, you can get some food. Food is always more important than booze, so you should have more food money than booze money, right?

No, your math is a bit off. Just ask your checking account, which is seriously dwindling after the fifth of May. You did, in fact, purchase three rounds of watermelon-flavored shots, not to mention you paid a guy $20 to let a parrot sit on your arm outside a pub. But wait, what’s that in your pocket? A crumpled dollar store receipt for a cheap sombrero and plastic mustache? Come on…cultural appropriation is not a good look, and being drunk isn’t an excuse. You and your bank account have seen better days.

You’ve survived the sight of your recent transactions, so why not see what social media says about last night? Oh wow, better not add some of these tagged photos to your timeline. What were you thinking? We both know there’s a line. It’s between having a few margaritas and running amok after ten shots of tequila.

Maybe tomorrow we’ll think about learning some limits and rethinking how much you drink. For now, sleep well, hungover me. Better luck tomorrow.

Sometimes alcohol can get the better of anyone, but if crazy nights out have turned into something worse, you’re not alone. If you’re concerned about your alcohol use and want to talk to someone who can help, call The Recovery Village®. A caring representative can help you determine whether you need professional treatment. Reaching out is the first step toward a healthier future.

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Seis de Mayo: An Open Letter To Hungover Me
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